Should i sleepover at my friend house

You could trust him, star athlete, straight As. All of the above, he had it. Hello, My 7 year old has been invited to a sleepover this Friday. Keep me posted! More and more parents today are having second thoughts about allow their children to attend or host sleepovers. So, the biggest problem I have with this is the mentality that something can happen to your child only overnight. We do live in a different time, but need to make this world more trusting and loving.

Use the common sense and judgement that the good Lord gave you and you and your children will stay out of trouble. How do you guys feel about sleepovers where your kid sleeps on the floor next to their friend who gets to sleep in their own comfortable bed? This has happened to my daughter twice and makes me so mad. Should I say something to the Mom? When I have sleepovers, both kids have the same sleeping arrangements. My parents knew him well.

They probably thought nothing of him being there. He was a straight A student, star athlete, charmer. It can be anyone.

We need to arm our children with the tools to protect themselves. Unfortunately, it really can be anyone. Hi I truly appreciate this article so much! My husband is not as worried as I am, and I know that I tend to be overprotective sometimes very overprotective :. Thanks so much. My son is 14 and has recently made a new friend in our neighbourhood. He went for a sleepover and then asked if his friend could come to our house for a sleepover.

We agreed, but told the boys that their cut off time for technology was midnight. The boys had already spent the majority of the day on various video games and watching youtube.

Are we being unreasonable? No, you are not being unreasonable. You might try chatting with the parents to see if the boy is being honest with you. OH am I so glad you did this one. I love having boys come to my house. Being a teacher helps parents relax. My motto is to have my sons friends at my house so I can get to know them. One way I do this is through food. I have a very special treat I make and the boys love it. One night we had five boys over. They were so excited to have this treat, they asked me if they could make it.

Fantastic commentary! BTW , if your company is searching for a service to merge two images , my husband discovered text herewww.

Thank you for posting this! We hosted a late-night event where parents picked up at 10 pm and the kids had a blast. I told him it was to protect him, but should I elaborate more? When other parents start to question us, what should we say? We actually had a close family friend who was a victim of child abuse and watching them go through this terrible ordeal has had a huge influence on our decisions. Thank you for commenting, Nikki!

You are doing your best and that is what matters! Today is the first time ever, that our son 14 is planning to go for a sleepover to his friends place. Getting to read your blog today was a blessing in disguise!!! It has helped me raise some doubts and get them cleared. Great help!! Although I remember going for sleepovers and calling friends at my place when I was a kid.

Fortunately all the experiences were always positive and good. They helped me evolve from an introvert to extrovert though I am more on intro side basically. But as a mother, when it comes to children, our senses are alert and all sorts of logic goes for a toss!! So I feel good to read your blog as a timely help. Monica — I heard about this post via the Jamie Ivey podcast, and I am so thankful that I have come across your words.

Having had experiences in my own childhood, when staying with extended family, that left scars well into adulthood, I have struggled with how to handle the pressure of sleepovers. It will be a while before my daughter knows any specifics of my own childhood experiences, but I have confidence she will recognize the importance of why we make the decisions we do!

Hi Angela! I think you are so wise, and though I am sorry for what you experienced, it might very likely save your own daughter from a bad experience. As she gets older you will have the wisdom to navigate.

Meanwhile, so glad you and your husband are on the same page, and stay strong momma! I had a friend who had the same rule of no sleepovers.

I wish I had done the same. When my oldest was 7 he went to a sleepover party at a very close friends home. The threat actually came from one of the other boys at the party. Not the family he was with but another 7 year old. When we picked him up he was relieved to see is but spent a week hidden in his room. By the time we found out what had happened and addresses it no one believed him. His behavior was classic of a child who had been abused and we did get him help.

It will always be there and from time to time I see it now that he is a teen. Protect your children. Late them stay out late but have them sleep at home. I wish I had — the guilt and pain is always with us — just as the invisible scars are on him. We do allow sleepovers and sleepover parties at our home for our boys.

We collect them all before the boys go to bed. We tell the boys that the rule at our house is no unmonitored internet access. Although they may not like it, they always cooperate. Perhaps I am looking, but I have seen this more and more now. I have a friend who had this policy and have seen several posts, a few that mention Dobson.

I definitely had sleepovers growing up, the ones I remember the most, nothing terrible happened, but those are the ones where it was less pleasant. The best ones were at my own house with a close cousin or friend who was more like me and my family.

My 9yo has just had a couple. One was so we could go on an overnight. It so not worth the ramifications of a late night during the next day, or what they could be exposed to. Seems a bit like bubble wrapping your kids. Avoidance is not always a good strategy. Your kids will encounter evil so front load them first: What should you do if your friend has wifi with no parent supervision etc.

Im not letting my kids sleep at Joe Strangers house however I would never have a no sleepover rule. Erica, I totally agree with you on the part about teaching your children what to do in X situation. I am totally with you. I have a 4 yr old boy and a 4 month old girl.

My husband was put in a akward situation at 17 by his dad…. Me and a close friend do late overs often on nights when both our husbands are out late. Works great. When kids are younger I feel sleepovers are more at question. Unless you are blessed to know a family very well with the same values. When kids get older it is easier though. Our home was the home all the kids would want to hang out at. Kids would come over and not leave.

They would stay days and sometimes weeks. When my boys were in junior high and highschool my boys and their friends were the size of men. It was not uncommon for me to come downstairs in the morning to find 1 or 3 of their friends sprawled out on the floor sleeping. I loved it because I knew we had a very healthy presence in our home and it was a draw to many children for many years. It gave me the opportunity to get to know my kids circles very well and to poor into all their lives.

I do agree that kids eat a lot. I always offered food. How the Lord multiplied the fishes and the loaves, that happened every day at our house it was absolutely amazing. I feel like the sleepovers opened up opportunity for ministry for us. But every situation is different, and the Lord gives us wisdom for each one. Monica, fabulous post! I am completely comfortable with that. I also have another BFF whom I trust completely with my kids because she has three kids of her own, and is even more paranoid than I am!!

I see it at restaurants, play dates, car rides….. Who knows when they will fall asleep? It helps that my husband and I are in complete agreement on this. I have seen my boys faces and the relief in their eyes as well. There have been exceptions, of course, such as having missionary kids over for a week to help out parents in Africa, etc…and we had a lot of fun. I appreciate your wisdom and insight on the subject, as in just about every blog you write.

Thank you! Monica, I want to thank you for writing this post, and now re-posting it for all of us. My two oldest children are 11 son and 8 daughter. I have really never had a major issue with this, until I found something out after the most recent sleepover on July 4. A few days after the sleepover, my sister in law shared with me while we had our daily phone conversation, that she had discovered the night before, that her older two boys 12 and 14 had been accessing and viewing porn on their devices although the parents HAVE set up protection and viewing restrictions on most of the devices their children use, apparently there was ONE that was overlooked My sister in law and I were and still are!

My son loves to be there with them he really has no other friends, so I have always encouraged him to spend time with his boy cousins, because I know how important it is to have friends of any kind even only cousins! When confronted about the pornography, my 12 year old nephew tried to pin the blame on my 9 year old NIECE, saying that SHE was the one who had looked at these awful sites.

Have a beautiful, blessed day! We are of the same mind! That being said, it is not many. I am amazed at how many sleepovers my kids are invited to who I have absolutely no idea who these people are.

And other parents just let their kids go, no questions asked! I have a teen and it is definitely getting harder for her. One current instance, she had been getting a lot of pressure from her friends, which obviously happens, and even I got pressure from other parents.! Thank you for this post! I like this policy with the exception clause. My younger brother was molested by his soccer coach during sleepovers.

He was so afraid, he told no one until many years later when the mother came knocking on our door asking him to testify. One of her three boys had given his name as someone that he had also abused. My mother trusted this man and thought that a father of three boys was a safe place and fun for him to be. This experienced changed him and damaged him in so many ways. He never married, never had kids and has begged me to never allow his neice or nephew to sleep out.

I take his plead seriously. I know this is hard to read and it is hard to write, but it is true. With all of the other concerns that high school years bring, having this be a non issue is huge! God bless! I am sorry your family had to experience that situation but I am glad to hear that you find value in the No Sleepover policy. Valuable information and thank you so much for posting…. Children need to experience a gradual release of responsibility from parent to child, sleepovers provide this opportunity for children to feel slight sense of independence.

As a teacher I have found that those students who become independent at an early age through simple things such as sleepovers are in the long run better off and able to handle the real world. Of course your children would sleep at the home of trusted neighbors or friends.

No one is talking about sending children to a strangers house whose children are unfamiliar. Sheltering children from sleepovers seems to only teach that people cannot be trusted and serves to reinforce fears and prejudices that we so desperately need to get rid of in our society.

Most people are kind and good especially parents and can certainly be trusted to handle a sleepover. Holding their hand forever serves no purpose other than to delay their development into adults. You are incredibly lucky and blessed to not have had someone close to you suffer from being molested. It is life changng. While most people are good, some who seem good are not. There are many ways to help kids become independent without having a sleep over experience in their younger years.

Us parents need to love and support one another in our choices. Not allowing kids to sleep out is not going to damage kids, but having a horrible experience while at a sleep over could. Just something to consider. God Bless! Wow, I agree with Mavel. Let your kids grow up!

Most people in this world are caring and kind. Good grief. I ended up on the receiving end of a lot of bullying, and I regrettably dished out my fair share as well. I did not want my own daughter to go through this torment. But my extroverted firstborn was no longer okay with my hardline stance, and I had to sort out how to make some sleepovers work for her sake.

They came in their jammies, we had a dance party, I painted their nails, we ate pizza, watched a movie with popcorn and ice cream sundaes. When everyone was good and exhausted, we sent them home! The girls loved getting to do all of the slumber party activities, and all of the parents didn't have to deal with overtired and grumpy kids the next day.

Unlike when I was growing up, rolling in with the streetlights and sleeping over at different friends' houses was not something I wanted for my kids. I wanted to prevent some of the uncomfortable scenarios I dealt with, as well as some of the more disastrous situations that can happen at slumber parties. For this reason, we told our children that sleepovers were always allowed with family, sometimes allowed with close family friends, but never allowed with friends whose parents we did not know well.

Although this has caused a bit of whining, particularly with group sleepovers, I am always happy to bring my child to the fun evening activities and then pick her up at bedtime.

While I generally adopt a live-and-let-live attitude, if my child is in the mix, I want some assurances. It is the feeling of being left out and not being able to relate when friends start talking about childhood sibling rivalry and antics because I never did any of that with my brother who was not yet in KG when I moved out to go to college. And it is not at all the same for things like Girl Scouts, international trips and visits to religions not your own — things I also never experienced as a child but neither did a large number of people that I know.

Not because I want her to have religion but because she needs to know certain things to be able to fully relate to others. What I do is get my kids excited about what I am willing to do — take them somewhere fun as a family, buy presents, have a cake, let them choose a restaurant for dinner, etc.

It evens out. Learning that is also important as kids grow up. I indulge my kids all sorts of ways, but they are not entitled to every indulgence they see around them. I would never say you were selfish for not providing your daughter with a sibling, even though having a sibling would be good for her in all kinds of ways. Selfish is reserved for things like not making sure a kid has enough calories or goes to school because the parent is too busy getting drunk, high, or laid. This was before the internet.

Playboy is pretty soft-core. If you GO TO a sleepover, you feel more empowered with trust, and the ability to be away from your parents. I went to a lot of sleep overs at my cousins, with other friends. They were a min drive from where lived. And if you HAVE sleepovers at your place you being the kid , you learn hospitality.

What it means to be responsible for your guests. You get a sense of some adult like mentality. To prepare and strive for as we get older in life. All we know is that she called her parents to ask for a ride home from the sleepover, because she wanted to leave. That might have been all she told them of her own volition. How the rest of the truth came out, and how her parents reacted, is something that only Jenna knows. Again—would you condone the other kids shunning yours, or would you be proud of them for speaking up?

Sometimes, even knowing that they can come home at any time, gives kids the security they need to go to a sleepover in the first place. It also sets a good precedent for when the teenage parties start. Emily — I think your point no. Short of an emergency situation — i. Otherwise we run the risk of them being too scared to leave during the few times there might be actual trouble.

I stated that she told on the other girls, they got in trouble, and because of that shunned the rat. It is not bullying, it is a perfectly normal reaction. And again watching sex on a dang TV, is not a health risk like 8 yr olds drinking booze, or smoking, or someone getting injured. You are comparing apples to turnips. You are comparing a relatively minor rule break with actual risky behaviour. It is not the same, not even close. All of you need to set aside your own prudish sexual hangups, and stop transfering them onto 8yr olds.

Turning that channel on, was no different than doing anything else they were told not to do. As for my kids Emily, they have a helluvalot more integrity than Jenna or most of you. They would have left the room, done their own thing, and not ratted out the group, for a minor rule infraction like that. Of course if there were risks involved they would seek adult help, but they were not raised to be squeelers.

Emily there is a huge difference between not participating in activities you find uncomfortable, or questionable and ratting out the group. Everybody at some point relies on someone to remain loyal, and keep confidence. From you having someone tell someone else you are not there, to having a coworker cover for you to whatever. And her crying victim of being shunned, and all tells me she was a tattletale type of kid from the start.

We know that she called her parents because she wanted to leave the sleepover, because she felt uncomfortable. Since it was late at night, they probably asked why, which is reasonable. For all we know, Jenna never knew that the conversation would go further than that, but it did. Maybe the other girls tried to stop Jenna from leaving, either with words, or by actually barricading her in the room.

It may not be right but they where kids, not adults so they reacted like kids. Secondly, how old where u when the rest happened? Which no one seems to have mentioned, of course more mischief is going to happen the bigger the group,. For the last time, and I will go slow to allow you to follow along. I do not care if she freely ratted them out, or only did it under torture, it does not matter. The girls have the right to be pissed off and have the right to shun her.

Emily, have you been able to follow along so far? Being mad at someone for informing on you is valid. Not wanting to be their friend, and avoiding them is valid. As for your clarinet, mustard bottle and all the other oh so horrible things that happened to you………. Emily, was this a once off camp or did u go every year? If once off then it was a bad experience and most probably a good lesson in ways of not to treat people..

If u went back every year then why keep going? Jenna acted the victim then dobbed, she could have stood up for herself, she could of rolled over and gone to sleep or slept in another room, but she stayed… Then dobbed, then bitched from what her post says..

Bad things happen to everyone, people need to build a bridge, stop being judgemental and get over it…. The answer hit me as my husband was reading Little Red Riding Hood to our daughter. Red was warned about the wolf. Yet she was in the bad situation of being lost, and her only offer of help was the wolf. She took a chance on him. Other versions have other variations of making a little mistake she was warned about. But none of the current versions seem to imply fault in that mistake.

They were both simply lucky the woodsman came. And I think that is a pretty standard interpretation. I was under firm instructions not to tell ANY caller that I was home alone, for my safety.

It was just one small mistake, a chance many others might have taken. Hearing what he wanted to know, he used his key and walked right in. I was actually relieved to see him. The shock and relief cycle, overwhelmed the tickling sense that something was seriously wrong. That thought came with a drive to resist. That instinct was pure little red riding hood. And why not? Some old versions involve her tricked into bed, and even out of her clothing! Interestingly the story seems to vary with attitudes toward victims.

Wikipedia discusses a 17th century version which paints Red as outright blame worthy, ends with her death, and is followed by a 17th century lecture on stranger danger! I love that some versions had Red cunningly escaping with no help, a worthy tale of Resistance. I went to that camp for seven years, but the bullying that happened that year was pretty much a one-off thing. That was my second-last year there L. Compared to that, not allowing sleepovers is pretty minor.

Sigh… Warren. Define it then. Make a reasoned argument. Use that intelligence of yours that you keep insisting that only you have. I saw lots of secular Jews in Israel doing this. If you want to provide balance, try and get the equivalent for Judaism and Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, or whatever other religions can be found in your area. Natalie LMAO at your overuse of the bullying card. The sign of a weak person, who thinks because someone is strong willed, and outspoken that they are bullies.

Not liking someone and shunning them because they have wronged you is not bullying. Friends choosing to be loyal to one over another is not bullying. If they had no cause to shun Jenna then yes you could make a case for bullying. But they did have cause to shun her…….. Whether she did it on purpose or not does not matter to kids that age. You are label natural behaviour as bullying. You may enjoy playing victim because your feelings were hurt or whatever, but that is a horrible lesson to teach.

As for your last paragraph, again why do you bother, your personal opinion of me is meaningless, sort of like that white stuff that collects at the corner of your mouth when you are hot and thirsty.

Yes your opinion of me means nothing to me. I only value the opinions of people I respect, and you are nowhere near being on that list. I think there are two approaches to arguing about parenting choices.

Because I have never seen the extremes that are portrayed on this site. Or some other variation. Which they often do. Then again, it could be the area I live in. And then it becomes personal. Yes, I can see the benefits of going at it both ways.

How else will one really question their parenting choices if not put in a position to defend them? New information goes a long way for someone who actually cares about her kids.

The sleepover guests shunned Jenna over the Playboy channel incident. That's sort of understandable, although for an entire school year seems excessive. I think that's pretty disgusting. There really should have been at least one or two "renegade" decent kids in the bunch, who might have said something like, "So what?

Jenna didn't do anything to ME, and I wasn't even there, so this should be between you and her. Hey, Jenna, let's go play four-square. The thing that happened at the sleepover is disturbing enough to a parent of a primary-school child. Many judgments being passed about something that was described in a sentence or two.

The fact is that inappropriate stuff happens at some sleepovers. Skl Yeah, defend implies attack. When I have to explain why I do what I do, I better understand myself, my motivations, and the effect of the parenting choice in question. It could cause me to reconsider things, all of which I think is good. Take walking home from the bus stop. Not about being home alone, but walking home alone. She still impulsively darts out into the street, and taking into consideration the time of day and route she walks, we might have to delay it.

I have life experiences and the internet etc. I would love for my kids to be able to wash and care for their own hair. My sister who had a lot less hair was bathing and washing her own hair at 4yo. But the fact is that my girls are just not ready.

One of them is close; the other, whose hair is down to her butt, will probably take years. I do let them cross on their own, but not that often and not without strict reminders about how to do it. But she does some, and she can do a ponytail. The Warrens of the world are too busy beating their chests on a hilltop to dispense parental advice. Throw him a banana.

By the tone of her post, the fact she felt she was wronged for being shunned and so on, tells me alot. Also, think about it. Just how powerful can one kid be to organize an entire class to shun one kid for an entire year. Either Jenna is way over exxagerating the whole event, or one 8 yr old has the powers of persuassion the likes of Martin Luther King, or Jim Jones. I know alot of people in here love to play the sympathy card, or love to jump on the bullying bandwagon.

Not one single eight-year-old girl, but a "core group" of popular, mean girls? Yeah, I'd believe it. Emily It is amazing. You are more willing to accept that an entire group of 8 yr olds will organize themselves against one individual. Not the majority but the entire class. But you are not willing to accept the idea that Jenna may have been a tattletale that noone really liked in the first place. Maybe Jenna was a snitch—maybe she had a pattern of hostile behaviour that brought on the shunning.

It was bullying when it started to include intimidation, threats, mean pranks, and physical aggression. That was mainly 8th grade. And the reason I was unpopular had nothing to do with ratting people out etc. My classmates and I basically had nothing in common. But yeah, it stung sometimes. So did a lot of things that I got over. There is a world of difference between ordinary sleepovers and sleepover parties.

I also agree with the people who said sleepovers are an important form of socializing in being a guest and being a host. Just visiting until picked up late at night is not the same thing. As far as sleepover parties go, they require skilled supervision, including a planned range of activities, food, and drink, and judicious oversight, but with the effect on the kids of spontaneity, casualness, and freedom.

One of the people who equates sleepovers with nameless orgies mentioned 20 teenagers in a basement. Twenty teens unsupervised overnight strikes me as a bad idea, but it depends on the teens. Too much second guessing drives everyone crazy; blanket refusals are as much a sign of neglect as blanket permission to do anything; being able to size up situations in a sensible and efficient way is a skill that I hope most parents learn before their kids are old enough for sleepovers.

I do think that sleepovers of some kind—with grandparents or cousins or a best friend—are a necessary part of growing up. Are the people objecting to sleepovers because of their visions of riotous bacchanals opposed even to sleeping over with a best friend?

I know a couple who have a passel of boys. The boys are great kids with well-balanced lives, and their parents are awesome parents. For the rest of the year. Not the who grade, not her entire time at school, but the rest of the year.

So they watched the playboy channel, who never snuck a look at the magazines hidden in their parents room? And who never got upset with someone who dobbed on them?

When I was 13 a girl on my netball team dobbed me in to my mum for smoking, I made her life hell… But not for long.. If she was that upset by it why wait so long then dog on them when she had other options? And what does that say about the rest of us? If she was ostracized by all the girls in the grade as a result of getting a few girls intentionally or not in trouble, yes.

Now, if your argument is that all that happened is she told on her friends and they stopped speaking to her, therefore, not bullying, then I agree. People have to stop viewing this incident through jaded adult values and eyes.

They were not watching this to get turned on, or whatever. Child and educational psychologist Andrew Greenfield says ensuring your child is comfortable with the situation is very important because "separation anxiety can be an issue with children attending their first sleepover". Mr Greenfield says in regard to separation anxiety, "giving your child a piece of your clothing or an object that reminds them of you" can be a way to help them feel secure when they are away from home.

And finally, Ellie says something that she does to help reassure herself and to empower her children is using a code word. Get our newsletter for the best of ABC Everyday each week.

Shona Hendley is a freelance writer and ex-secondary school teacher from Ballarat, Victoria. She lives with her four fish, three goats, two cats, one chicken, as well as her two human children and husband. Find her shonamarion. ABC Everyday helps you navigate life's challenges and choices so you can stay on top of the things that matter to you. We acknowledge Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples as the First Australians and Traditional Custodians of the lands where we live, learn and work.