Why does my child get picked on

In severe cases, bullying has contributed to tragedies, such as suicides and school shootings. Kids bully for a mix of reasons. Sometimes they pick on kids because they need a victim — someone who seems emotionally or physically weaker, or just acts or appears different in some way — to feel more important, popular, or in control.

Although some bullies are bigger or stronger than their victims, that's not always the case. Sometimes kids torment others because that's the way they've been treated. They may think their behavior is normal because they come from families or other settings where everyone regularly gets angry and shouts or calls each other names.

Some popular TV shows even seem to promote meanness — people are "voted off," shunned, or ridiculed for their appearance or lack of talent. Unless your child tells you about bullying — or has visible bruises or injuries — it can be hard to know if it's happening.

If you suspect bullying but your child is reluctant to open up, find ways to bring up the issue. For instance, you might see a situation on a TV show and ask, "What do you think of this? Let your kids know that if they're being bullied or harassed — or see it happening to someone else — it's important to talk to someone about it, whether it's you, another adult a teacher, school counselor, or family friend , or a sibling.

If your child tells you about being bullied, listen calmly and offer comfort and support. Kids are often reluctant to tell adults about bullying because they feel embarrassed and ashamed that it's happening, or worry that their parents will be disappointed, upset, angry, or reactive.

Sometimes kids feel like it's their own fault, that if they looked or acted differently it wouldn't be happening. Sometimes they're scared that if the bully finds out that they told, it will get worse. Others are worried that their parents won't believe them or do anything about it. Or kids worry that their parents will urge them to fight back when they're scared to. Praise your child for doing the right thing by talking to you about it.

Remind your child that they're not alone — a lot of people get bullied at some point. Explain that it's the bully who is behaving badly — not your child. Reassure your child that you will figure out what to do about it together. In surveys, most kids and teens say that bullying happens at school.

Let someone at school the principal, school nurse, or a counselor or teacher know about the situation. Often they can watch and take steps to prevent further problems. What works in one situation may not in another. Many things — such as the age of the kids involved, the severity of the situation, and the specific type of bullying behaviors — will help determine the best course of action. Take it seriously if you hear that the bullying will get worse if the bully finds out that your child told or if threats of physical harm are involved.

Sometimes it's useful to approach the bully's parents. But in most cases, teachers or counselors are the best ones to contact first. If you've tried those methods and still want to speak to the bullying child's parents, it's best to do so where a school official, such as a counselor, can mediate. I John and following says,. By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

Our Lord Jesus knows exactly how they feel. We read to them about the time before the Crucifixion and point out how Jesus was betrayed and made fun of. We assure them He knows just how it feels and He loves us and sympathizes with us.

And we hold them tight while they cry and remind them of our love. People are like chickens, we tell them. They tend to peck or pick! Often the biggest bullies are cowards and only need someone to stand up to them. It really helps to role play appropriate responses with them. The saving grace for our son was one of the guidance counselors at his school.

We felt it was important for our child to have some sense of taking this problem on and solving it by going to the guidance counselor on his own. The school allowed him to basically take a time out or break to get away if needed. It showed him that there were some solutions to the situation.

It showed him that there was hope. When our son was being bullied, we constantly reaffirmed that there were things he could do to handle the situation and that he was, in fact, doing them. We let him know that we were going to get him help and that we loved him and we were going to support him. We also said that there was no excuse for what was happening to him.

Our son was bullied physically and verbally, and we told him that he could do what he needed to do to protect himself. Be sure to talk to your spouse or to supportive family or friends. Sometimes I would burst out crying after hearing about what had happened to our son. There were definitely times when James and I got angry. The bottom line is that this situation can really bring out emotions from parents.

We found that we needed to talk with each other about this as a couple because it was so hurtful and because we wanted to be clear in how we communicated to our son. I recommend that single parents reach out to somebody—a family member, friend, or someone at the school—anyone who can help you help your child. We reached out to friends and colleagues as well and asked how they handled it when it happened to their kids.

This is truly empowering for many children and can work with older kids, as well. Help your child feel good about himself by finding something he can do well. Our son got involved in swimming and it was very helpful for his self—esteem. Fortunately, he got through that year and developed some great friendships. That summer we signed him up for a summer camp program.

He went there still feeling a bit like a victim and came out a completely different human being. Camp was a place where he really excelled and it just fed his self—esteem. So try to find a positive experience for your child to help him feel good about himself.

Remember, every time he succeeds, it helps him develop better self—esteem, which is the opposite of how the bullies make him feel. Bullying is not something your child is going to get over immediately.

It can be long a process. I think what our son got out of this whole situation was finding those small pieces of control and exerting them, bit by bit. Again, all of this took a lot of time. It took time for our son to trust the guidance counselor and then for us to encourage him to go talk to her. After a while, we could see that everything we were doing was starting to work.

Overcoming a bullying episode takes support, and it takes everyone working together as a family to make it happen. Not all kids will admit to their parents that they are being bullied. It is often embarrassing to them and they are unsure how you will react. Therefore, it is important that you look out for the following signs that your child is being bullied:.